EP. 28: From Expectations To Authenticity: A Birthday Reflection

What if freedom isn’t having fewer obligations, but choosing who you are while carrying them? A 42nd-birthday check-in becomes a candid tour through alignment, expectations, and the legacy we leave in the people closest to us. We start with a simple decision test—does my next step come from my true self or from what others want me to be?—and follow it through habits, family life, and work.

You’ll hear a personal “alignment manifesto” that trades performance for presence and reframes expectations as something you must grant, not just absorb. We talk about the quiet cost of saying yes to everything, the resentment that creeps in when roles expand without consent, and the moment you realize you’re shrinking to fit someone else’s story. Then the conversation turns intimate: two letters from Nick's daughters that name their flaws and our unconditional love. Those words become a mirror proof that trust at home is the real scoreboard, and that legacy is written in late-night talks, car rides, and how we show up when no one’s watching.

Along the way Braxston and Nick unpack practical tools: a pause-before-choice habit, a personal “razor” for decisions, and small scripts for drawing healthy boundaries at work and in life. We challenge the myth of the good old days and share how simple hellos at the gym lowered guards and sparked real connection. The takeaway is clear and usable: alignment isn’t a leap, it’s a direction—micro-choices that stack into a life you recognize. If you’ve felt stretched thin by other people’s expectations or hungry to be known beyond your labels, this one will meet you where you are.

If this resonated, follow Rising Tribes, share it with a friend who needs a nudge toward alignment, and leave a quick review to help more people find the show. What’s your word of the year—and what will you realign this week?

Transcript

Mortality Check And Legacy

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I started questioning like how do people really view me who don't know me who maybe seen me and then if I died what would they say at my funeral? Um and like what would my kids say? I've asked them, like, what would you guys say at my funeral? And they don't really know. So, like hearing that, like that that's how I think about that. Is that at my funeral, they're gonna, they're like, I meant something. And what I want is when people see me and don't know me, that if they went up and they spoke about me, they'd be like, they'd have something to say just by being in my presence.

Birthday Vibes And Family Banter

SPEAKER_02 1:03

Welcome to the Rising Tribes podcast. I am Nikki Rankar, and in quotes, it's my birthday today, and I'm with Rax and Cave. In quotes, huh? No, it's actually your birthday. It is. You know, like if it was like written and I was reading it, like maybe it wasn't supposed to be read, but I'm like the teleprompter? Yeah, yeah. I'm Ron Burgundy. Who put the question mark? Anyway. How old are you? I'm 42. 42?

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Yeah, I don't feel like it at all. I had the I had our kids guess today how old Nick was. And you got a I got a 40, a 50. A 50 from Ace.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

And a 39. Um, so that was the most I've ever been guessed at. It was 50. I've actually never had anybody guess I was 40. So normally it's it's less than that. But I think a lot of that has to do with aura, right? The energy that you give off as whatever you want to think. But I act like a kid, so therefore I'm automatically younger.

Framing The Conversation

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Yeah. Um, yeah, so I think today we're gonna kind of talk about that. Um, and I think more so you actually had, I don't think we really knew what we were gonna talk about today, but you had shot a message and like, hey, I think it'd be cool if you kind of like talked about what you learned this year or kind of moving forward, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Yeah. So we I got a buddy of mine who, you know, he's really good at asking, you know, some questions that kind of dig it and make you think a little bit. And every year when we go out for his birthday or his wife's birthday, we go around the table and they kind of we'll talk about, you know, something we learned from that person in the last year, or what we love most about that person. Um, and then when it gets to them, they have to then tell, you know, what they what was their biggest win, or what did they biggest learning lesson in that past year, and then what are they most looking forward to? So I'm like, I think that'd be a good thing for Nick to share with everyone of what you learned over the last year, or whether it's the last year or thus far in life, and then what you're looking forward to for this next uh 365.

Word Of The Year: Alignment

SPEAKER_02 3:25

Yeah, so I uh woke up this morning and had told my wife yesterday, I'm like, I want BLTs. Um, so had some BLTs, and we had the podcast, and I want to work out, and you know, there's a handful of things. I was like, Oh, I want to do that, and we were up chatting, and I'm like, you know what? I've got a lot of time. So I spent an hour and a half, two hours, um, kind of digesting that question and wrote out a bunch of stuff, kind of an idea, and I threw it in the chat GPT, and I was like, hey, ask me some stuff that maybe like I'm not I'm missing in this, and then kept rewriting and rewriting and rewriting and rewriting until I got this, which feels a little deeper than what I was expecting, to be honest. Um, but what's really cool about that, and I want to read that, was after I did that, I read it to my wife, and she's like, Wow, that's that's really good. And we were eating our BLTs, and my youngest daughter was like, Oh, I got a present for you, and she made a slideshow for me, which was really cool. And it was one of those where it's like, you know, love you, and they they have a tagline. So when I was dating Chelsea, I would write letters all the time, and I would write Superman at the end, like you're Superman. And I and I it was a play on like I wanted to be a superman, like just like a really good man, and I figured like Superman just fit, and I wanted to be like her Superman, also, like I can do anything. I want to I want to always be there. And I started writing to my daughters, and I've always wrote them letters, I've wrote them books, I've wrote them tons of different things, and then they started in return writing. And I think as a parent, you just hope that you just hope so many things that you really can't even put into words that you want for your kids. And on top of it, I think you want them to look at you a certain way, and you never know what that is because it's their own perspective. So as they've gotten older, reading these letters, which I want to read those after, um it just makes me so proud of who they are, um, and that they see so.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

Yeah, I mean, I think the cool thing is, and you'll get in, you read you read this to me earlier, but it goes back to the alignment between what what you want out of life and the alignment to what you're how your girls see you in the life that they're living. Um I mean, that's a pretty incredible thing.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

Yeah, and you haven't read the letters yet, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:03

But I just just from hearing the way you talked about it. Um and then before we get into that, I mean, I it's we talked about, you know, we're big on doing like a word of the year. Um it's funny, you know, Chelsea was the first one to come to the table with what her word of the year was, and it was alignment. And then, you know, I had been processing for a while, like what what do I truly want my word of the year to be? What do I want it to represent? Um, and so same thing. Like, I went through a big, you know, asking chat a bunch of questions. Um, and I said what we went through this whole thing, and then I said, Okay, give me my top three words that would, you know, exemplify my, you know, what I want my year word of the year to be, and number one was alignment. And so it's just for this this word alignment just continues to come up over and over and over again.

SPEAKER_02 7:06

It just fits so well right now. Um, because it it it's in my like what I wrote, partially because obviously it's been on top of mind because of Chelsea, but I do feel like it fits really well with where I am in life. Um yeah, so should I read it? Read it. All right. So this is what I probably wrote this like five or six different times, and then finally got to a point where I was like, okay, I think that this hits. And uh yeah, hopefully it does that for you. Um, and you can learn a little bit more about me. And again, I'm 42, and this is I'd say this is a big takeaway that I've been working through and on for a long time.

The Alignment Manifesto

SPEAKER_02 7:52

All right, if I had to say my biggest takeaway from this year, and honestly from life so far, it would be this. I'm constantly asking myself whether the next decision I make aligns with the desires inside me or the expectations of other people. There are things that eat at me. The way I talk to my kids sometimes, I replay it. I want to do better, but sometimes I let habits guide me instead of intention. Drinking alcohol has never fully felt right inside me, yet I've allowed ease and desire to make the decision instead of conviction. Traveling, experiencing nature, creating experiences for my family and friends, those things light me up. But I can easily come up with reasons why it doesn't make sense right now. I can say I'll do it later. And later becomes the excuse. There are moments where I can feel empty inside. And instead of leaning into that and asking why, I've tried to drown it out with something that just passes the time. What I've learned is I can only ignore that inner voice for so long before it starts affecting everything. My energy, my family, the people around me. Because whether we realize it or not, how we feel shows up in every interaction. And when I'm aligned, I feel it. My mind slows down, I stop questioning everything. I get that feeling in my chest like butterflies. And I don't think you can fake butterflies. You can't manufacture that feeling. It shows up when you're stepping into something unknown, something that scares you. But deep down you know it's right. When I'm a when I'm not aligned, I feel the opposite. I feel like I'm shrinking, like I'm hiding from who I meant to be. If I'm honest, the fear underneath most of it isn't failing. It's letting people down. It's carrying expectations. Sometimes it almost feels like it would be easier to lose everything. No expectation, limitless choices, nothing to drop. But what I'm realizing is freedom doesn't come from having nothing. It comes from choosing who you are even while carrying everything. I believe God is constantly nudging me, not loudly, not dramatically, but through tension, through excitement, through conviction, through those moments that feel uncomfortable but alive. And alignment doesn't happen fast. It's not one big decision, it's direction. It's constantly pulling yourself back to who you know you should be. So that's what I'm learning to pause before I decide, to ask myself, is this coming from who I truly am and who I'm becoming, or from who I think I need to be for everyone else? And I'm curious, and this is for Braxton have you felt that lately? That difference between moving from alignment versus moving from expectation?

Expectation Versus Identity

SPEAKER_01 10:32

I mean, I think this is something that I definitely in the last six months it's been a thing for me. I think it's always a thing, and I think this is something that everybody deals with. Um, you know, especially when you're in a position like me, or you're uh whether you're an entrepreneur, you know, when you really don't have freedom over your time or schedule, right? You're always trying to live up to the expectation of someone else. And you know, even as an entrepreneur, and you can speak to this, like a lot of times your expectation you're trying to live up to is one that you set yourself, but you're always comparing yourself to another entrepreneur, another business or another thing, right? So, you know, when it goes back to the alignment piece, the way I've tried to go into this year, with alignment being my word of the year, is regardless of whether you know what I'm doing within you know my current job, like does it align with who I want to be? Like that's you know, I'm I'm reading um the uh Sa Hill Bloom's book right now, and he talks about your razor, right? Like the thing that you go back to, like the that foundational statement or question, and it's like is this decision or this action or this next step I take, does it align with who I want to be? And it just made me question a lot of things and um really take a step back and think before I act. And does this truly align? And I think you even have to go a step back further than that of like before I can say, does this action align with who I want to be? Who do I want to be? And that's a hard question to answer, and again, it doesn't come overnight, and you're continually refining, you know, what that what that is, and and here's the other thing is like who I want to be today and look moving forward is different than five years ago. You know, my goals are different, what I want out of life is different, um, different place with our family and our kids and my marriage. So I think a lot of times people get hung up on continually chasing the same thing for years and years and years, and never taking a step back and being like, Wait, I'm I'm a totally different human, I'm going different places, I have different goals and aspirations. And so, yeah, I mean, I I deal with this, think about this, ponder this all the time.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

Yeah, and I hearing you first, there was a a quote I just heard, and I think it fits well with this before I say what I'm gonna say. People always talk about the good old days, but I wish somebody would tell me when I'm in the good old days, and I think that that kind of like it stuck with me because I know where you've been saying, like, uh kind of stuff that you've been struggling, decisions like good things. And you sent a picture to me of you with your family, and you said, This is what I want. And I remember my first thought was you have it. And it's that thought, right? Like we're we can be living in a moment that's exactly what we want while thinking about hoping to be in a moment that in the future that we want. When the truth is, is it's like, but that moment will be here, and you'll look back and be like, Oh, I've had a million of these, now I'm gonna have less. Right? We start to think of our own existence eventually, and I and I'm not at that place, like I'm not like, Oh, I'm gonna die. And I think that that's gonna open up a whole new chapter of thoughts.

Corporate Expectations Creep

SPEAKER_02 14:32

Um, but what I will say is kind of on the lines of like an entrepreneur, I didn't know I wanted to be an entrepreneur, and um, I speak to a lot of classes about this. I'm actually gonna be speaking next week about kind of entrepreneurship and the specifics I think I'm gonna talk about is the topic of like a lot of people think it's doing the thing that you love, like find your passion, go after it. And I think the truth is about an entrepreneur is that you don't know how to not chase something. So, like when you chase one thing and a different door opens, you have to decide do I continue chasing or do I go to the other door? And I think what happens is as an entrepreneur, it might take 10 doors until you find the door that you're like, it doesn't matter what door opens. I'm not going into it, I'm staying here. So for me, what what happened along that path from when I was graduating college until probably 36, 38, was constantly trying to make sure everybody was happy and that I was doing everything that they could because I I needed them to succeed in my businesses, right? Like your customers, your people. So you're constantly going above and beyond, and no one's ever truly satisfied. You constantly hear the negatives of what you're not doing when you're like, but I feel like I'm doing this. So then it affects other relationships because then you're like, well, if I'm messing this up and I'm giving everything I have, what's happening in the relationships where I'm not giving everything I have or I don't have enough to give? So there's this internal battle, and I had to realize that expectations are just other people's wants. And I get to have wants, which means I get to have expectations, and that's when I started to realize I will never accept somebody's expectation. And now I say this with like affirmation of this is a sure thing, but this is not true. I try, but I I think I will not accept someone's expectation that I never gave them permission to have. And I

Letters From The Daughters

SPEAKER_02 16:31

will never have of me. So if I if somebody says like, well, you need to do this, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and they tell me all these things, a lot of times people just do it because they feel like, oh, but really, the other person just wants you to. And I will not accept you telling me what I have to do when I've never told you that I would. And that's an expectation. An expectation is something you've told somebody you will do, they can now expect that of you, and vice versa. If you tell me you're gonna do something, I can expect that of you. But if you've never told me you will do something, I don't get to go and force you to do it or tell you you're wrong. So I make sure that I set expectations and I allow people to set them with me so that way I don't I don't have those issues. But I learned that they're just desires of others or of yourself, right? I expect this. Why? Because I want it. So it I went 15, 20 years of living inside of everybody's expectation needs to be met. It matters, and I let myself fall behind in what I needed, which also allowed me in the same right to be very happy with it a little, because I never cared about much about what I got because I got a lot out of others, and yeah, I think that was huge for me, and that's something that I tried to push on my kids is like, hey, you have a lot in you, um, and it's your choice on what you do with that. You don't have to do anything, and nobody can tell you you do, not even me. I'll I'll hope and pray for what I want, which I think is best for you, but ultimately it's not my decision, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:14

What what would you call it? What is there a name? There probably is, but I but I can't think of it at the moment, of when you know people place you had talked about people placing expectations on you that you haven't accepted or given them the the power or permission to give, like, but there's gotta be a name for that because that is a thing.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

I I there's gotta be a name for it. Um and I and I'll tell you, if you are somebody who you're like, oh, I can relate to that, which I think we all can to an extent, the more that you lean into it, like I did, as long as I did, the bigger it starts to get from others. The expectations get raised and raised and raised until eventually I was crying in my kitchen. Like, I don't know how to live like this anymore. Like, I've given so much power to so many people who expect so much from me, and I don't know how I I had it to where people were calling me, telling me how I took way too much from others and I wasn't giving enough to the where I'm like, I can't give anymore. I don't know how to give anymore. Like people are telling me I'm legitimately not caring about anything. And I'm and I remember thinking, who do they see me at? Like, who who am I? If that's truly who I am and I don't see it, where am I messing up? Where am I doing? And I had to read a lot of books to basically make me realize, like, wait, it's not it's not me. Yeah, I'm in this, but I've accepted a lot as my problem. And I had to release that, like it's not my problem. And I would love to know what the name of that is, but I feel like it's not your problem if others are constantly asking of you. It doesn't mean that it doesn't make you feel good, right? It feels good to be needed, but the longer

Unconditional Love And Trust

SPEAKER_02 20:08

that you just constantly do it, it's like a bad relationship, right? If you're the person that constantly is being hurt and beat down, you're just gonna keep getting hurt and beat down until eventually you stand up, and that's not easy. And the longer you're in it, everybody knows the harder it is to get out or to stand up. Um, so it took me a long time, but yeah, so I uh big stuff like that's a big thing. Like if you get to talk with me, I will talk somewhere about expectations. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we've talked about that on here. Um I don't think that that's talked about enough.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Yeah, I mean, I I see this all the time in corporate America, right? So when you talk about the expectations, right? Typically you would look at, you know, someone comes into a company, here's your job description, you sign on to work for the company, you have agreed to these expectations of this job description, right? But I think we're in corporate America where we see a lot of issues arise and turmoil and resentment is when they are expected to do things outside of that job description, right? And like you said, it perfectly, it feels good when you're needed and someone comes to you and asks you, Hey, can you do this?

unknown 21:28

Right?

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Or hey, I need you to do this, and it doesn't necessarily fit within your role, but you're like, they want me to do this? I can do that. And it feels good for a period of time, and especially if there's compensation that comes with it. Now, when there's not expectation that or there's not compensation that comes with the additional, then there's that opens up a whole nother can of worms. Um but yeah, you you see it, I've seen it over the years of people taking on more doing these things, and then all of a sudden. That person leaves out of nowhere. Out of nowhere. Right. In quotes. And um and then you take a step back and you're like, okay. Or you do an exit interview, and you're like, then you see where they were doing things trying to meet an expectation that they had never accepted. So just looking at it through a different lens, that's uh something that I see arise often.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

Oh yeah. And I had, I don't know if we jump into it. I had two, so I woke up this morning, finished writing that, and my youngest daughter came downstairs and she's like, Oh, I got two presents for you. She opened up her computer and she made a slideshow for me, which was like, Why you're the best dad in the world. And it was like bulleted out, and then like, why you, you know, you're just like all these awesome things, right? Like, you you can't wait for the day that your kid can talk, and then you're like, I can't wait till they can like articulate and have a conversation, we can sit down, and then you're like, Oh, I wonder who they're gonna be as a human. And then when they start expressing who they see you as, it's like another level. And right now with a 12-year-old and a 16-year-old,

Being Seen Versus Being Known

SPEAKER_02 23:14

I you know wrote them letters and they now write me letters. That's really cool. But now they're starting to write me letters that are like, oh, like heartful. So I wanted to read, I asked them, so they gave me the permission. My youngest was like, well, there was nothing in there. Because she basically did the slideshow, then she handed me this. And my oldest then came down and she handed me a letter she wrote. And my wife ended up saying, I didn't tell them to do this. I actually thought, you know, I didn't know. So they did this on their own. So this is my youngest Atlee. This is what she wrote to me. Happy 42nd birthday, Dad. I wanted to take a moment to tell you how much I appreciate everything you do for me. You've always been my biggest supporter, and I see how hard you push me to be the best version of myself, even when I make it difficult. I know you haven't always given, I know I haven't always given, or I know I haven't always been best daughter, the best daughter you deserve. I've lied, I've made mistakes, and I know I'm far from perfect. But the fact that you still love me unconditionally and stay by my side through it all means more than I can say. Having you in my corner is the greatest thing I could ever have. I'm so lucky to have you as my dad. I hope 42 is one of the best years. Sorry if I messed up the age and ignore my handwriting. Your greatest daughter, aka the troublemaker. So I read that, I was like, oh my gosh, like that's so cool. Like a 12-year-old, like, and kind of like we're talking about, like, she sees, she's like, I'm not perfect. I'm like, she wrote out her flaws and hers, which that hurts as a parent, but then when it transitions into, and you still love me unconditionally, like we're not perfect, we aren't. And love to me is one of the most valuable things you can give to somebody. So the other one, then my oldest, handed me a letter, which I was like, oh my gosh, they both wrote, This is my 16-year-old dad. Wow, you're old now. And then I was like, Where are we going? I'm sorry that I won't be with you most of your birthday. I want to first thank you for everything you have ever done for me. You put up with me when you shouldn't have to. I can have attitudes, snap back, ignore you, the list goes on. But even then, you still try to talk to me and you still love me. I'm so grateful for all the lessons you have taught me to be a better person for myself, others, and my family. When I grow up, I want to be just like you. Jesus shines through you. You're passionate, caring, and most of all humble. That's for sure something I struggle with. You teach me to care for others and put them before myself. That is something I will always remember. Whether it's late night chats, going out for burgers, or morning car rides, every time we talk, I take something away from the conversation that will benefit me. I can't wait to see this new chapter of life for you, and I can't wait to be with you the whole way. I'm sorry for any time I snapped back, not done what I am supposed to do, and blame others for my own actions. I want to be better. Thank you for teaching me that I get to choose how my day goes. So just smile. I love you to the moon and back. Have the happiest birthday, Superman. And my other daughter wrote Superman also on the slideshows and on the front of this. So that's how I always write in my letter. So they write Superman on the end of theirs. And that like kind of choked me up a little bit. But that's my daughters wrote that.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

It's like obviously with my kids' ages, I think Avi at nine, I mean, she's pretty mature for her age. I think she can put together a pretty good letter. Um but it's just amazing to see the the the two biggest things I notice out of both of those is like they both realize they're imperfect humans, but dad

Lowering Guards And Real Connection

SPEAKER_01 27:10

loves me regardless of that. Um that's what stands out the most to me, listening to that.

SPEAKER_02 27:18

Yeah, yeah. Like the fact that they both, I could never imagine at their age writing a negative thing about myself. And again, but they wrote it in such an authentic, like they're comfortable saying, like, hey, I I do these things and I recognize, and like you're still there for me. Like, just because I do this doesn't mean that I lose everything. And what I what I truly like sitting here like this in front of cameras and microphones and with other guys, it's like I didn't tell them to write that. Like, you want to know who somebody is? Ask their family, ask their kids, ask their friends. Like, it's easy for us to sit here and be like, ah, but to share that, it's like they see they see me in a way that like I don't even see myself, right? But like you hope. This is like you like, like, yeah. So it it's really, really cool to have my kids see me in a way that I'm like, I want the world, and I want to share that with the world, and I want to be that, and I want to be seen that way. So I I hope that that comes across.

SPEAKER_01 28:26

Yeah, well, I think it just shows that they're they're comfortable with you and they trust you. Yeah. Because not every kid would have the trust or comfort to say those things out loud.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

That's why my mom said, uh, you were born to be a girl dad. I was like, I could be a boy's dad too. I just didn't try enough, I guess. But yeah, so I wanted to share the letter that I wrote and then those. Um and that it's my birthday, and I just adore that. Like that's a I I think I'd said this on the last podcast or the one before, that maybe I haven't, telling me I can't remember. That one of the things I've been doing more recently, I don't know if I did, is that uh I started questioning like how do people really view me who don't know me, who maybe seen me, and then if I died, what would they say at my funeral? Um, and like what would my kids say? I've asked them, like, what would you guys say at my funeral? And they don't really know. So, like hearing that, like that that's how I think about that. Is that at my funeral, they're gonna, they're like I meant something. And what I want is when people see me and don't know me, that if they went up and they spoke about me, they'd be like, they'd have something to say just by being in my presence. That's the stuff that I'm focused on now, and I'm releasing more of like, what do you think? And it's like, no, this is who I am, and I genuinely believe the more and more I've talked to more people, which I talk to a lot of people in a business setting, but the more I talk to them in a regular setting, it's I'm realizing that we are all craving connection, craving it and want it. And we we almost like put ourselves off as like, I want to feel like I'm above you because I feel like I'm below you, and I need to get this perception. So, like when we're walking around, it's almost like uh we're sizing each other up all the time. And you know, I've been coming up to more and more people and just saying, hi, I'm Nick, shaking their hand and talking to him, and every single person just like you see the guard go down. And I've never done that, I've always done it in a professional business setting, and it's never felt comfortable, which is weird because now doing it in just general everyday, it I see it more, and I'm like, wow, I've been wrong. Just thinking like it is a constant who's who's the alpha, who's the you know, like who's on top? And yeah, and I was wrong, right?

SPEAKER_01 31:13

You and I just had this conversation the other day of like, you know, are we been kind of missing each other in the

Aging Well And Closing Notes

SPEAKER_01 31:20

gym in the morning, uh, just because our schedules are a little different right now. But you know, when I'm in there, I probably talk to the same couple of people that I know, but most people won't come up and talk to me for whatever reason. And um, but then like you said, you came to me and you were like, Yeah, I talked to three new people today, and when I introduced myself, they're like, Oh, you work out with Braxton, and I'm like, I was like, everybody knows who you are, but yet they're like, like, same thing. I think there is this perception of you know, Braxton the football guy, or Braxton Notre Dame, Braxton NFL, like it's and it's you're looked at as not just another dude at the gym that I can strike up a conversation with, and I think it's so silly.

SPEAKER_02 32:10

Well, and that's where now doing this, because I didn't for a year, oh doing this now. Sorry, I dropped my cup. I'm realizing a people knew who I was, and they didn't want to say it, but like I'm like, wow, like I'm walking around here thinking no one knows who I am, no one's looking at me, like I would have no idea. And you grew up here though, like obviously I've had business for 12 years in the gym, so people knew. I think more people knew of me, whereas I think people like have probably followed you or like know, like, oh yeah, he was full, like they know more about you, and you've grown up here that I would have told you, I'd have been like, dude, I bet you I would have probably known who you were without having met you. And and here's why, and this is a part I don't think we think about. If you're in the gym and Braxton Cave walks in, ex-NFL player, local legend, you know, Notre Dame, like, right? Someone's gonna go, hey, that's Braxton Cave. It's not even that everyone there knows you, but eventually everyone has done a game of telephone to where the only person that hasn't been told that that's Braxton Cave is Braxton Cave. And I think that that is part of where what I've always missed is that if one person knows me from social media, they're gonna be like, hey, that guy's on social media, he's pretty, he's pretty, you know, he's known. Or he's like this, he's this CrossFit guy. And then somebody else goes there for, like, hey, that guy right there. So I now I can look back and be like, that probably happened for me, and for sure I know that that's happened for you, but we're the only ones not involved in the game, right?

SPEAKER_01 33:49

I think the thing, you know, you can you can look at it a couple different ways. Some people are like, you shouldn't care what other people think about you, right? And I I get that, right? Like, depending on what you let that information do to you, but I think at the same time it's important to me to know, like I I want people to know the real me, not just this perception of whatever it may be, and so it's like, how do you and it not from my I don't I don't know how to put this into like the right words, but it's like you don't who I am and what my name means to my family, like that's important to me. So like I don't ever want there to be like a bad representation of who I am based off of someone that doesn't know me. So I guess you could look at it either way, but that's how I used to feel.

SPEAKER_02 34:53

That's how I felt was always it was that that was the expectation that was inside of me. It's like I want like I'm a nice guy, like I want everyone to like me. Like, well, but then there'd be times where it's like I do have a stern look on my face, I'm not very approachable, and I would do that on purpose.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

Mine's not even that I want everyone to like me, no, but I just want them to know who I really am.

SPEAKER_02 35:12

And that's yeah, mine is I would want every interaction, whether verbal or non-verbal, for somebody to be like, There was there was something positive there. That's what mine has transitioned to. You don't have to like me, you don't even have to want to meet me. But I don't want you to be like, he yelled at somebody because they were upset and I watched them over on the corner, he didn't clean this thing up or didn't put this away, or he was a jerk, he bumped into somebody, didn't apologize, he was walking and opened the door and it's shut and there was a woman behind him, or you know, he didn't go drive and pick up his wife. Like where people are watching and they're saying this is a thing that if they said it, I'd go, that's not me. But if I walk and I don't open the door for somebody, I I I can accept that, right? Like you're saying, I want people to know who I am. Like I can accept you not liking a part of who I am, that's fine. But if I don't want someone to experience an interaction around me that isn't who I say that I am, so that's what's transitioned for me where as it used to be, I want to do everything to make everybody like me and be like, ah, it's now a transition to like, no, like if you just ex if you just come into contact around me, you can probably get an idea of of who I am. And then I want to say hi to more people. But I in reverse, I don't want to, I don't want to get to know too many people because that that's overwhelming for me.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

And the introvert comes out, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:51

Like yeah, it's the introvert of like big groups. I struggle in big groups, but I just don't know how to not sit and get to know you or you get to know me and do that in 10 seconds to then it's overwhelming.

SPEAKER_01 37:11

That's on the surface. That's why we're opposites.

SPEAKER_02 37:18

Good for you.

SPEAKER_01 37:20

Well, happy birthday, dude. 42. Appreciate it. You I agree with Jada, you are old.

SPEAKER_02 37:29

So um hey man, that's the whole goal of life. Anytime I see anybody over 80 and they're fit and they're moving, I'm like, you're winning. Yeah, the goal of life is not to figure out how to stay young, it is to get as old as possible, um, and do it the best way possible. And the older that we get the that we get, the more people we get to affect and um impact.

SPEAKER_01 37:56

Awesome. Cool. Let's have a great weekend and we'll uh say hi to a little celebrating. Yeah. Well, maybe some ice cream.

SPEAKER_02 38:08

Maybe some ice cream. Gotta figure that out. Gotta figure out what the what the afternoon is gonna be.

SPEAKER_01 38:15

I think yesterday's is calling your name.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

Yeah, that's potentially. I gotta figure that out. I don't like making decisions that I have to stick with right away.

SPEAKER_01 38:24

Yeah, you'll post it on social. People will know.

SPEAKER_02 38:29

Or somebody will follow my wife, she'll probably post it.

Follow And Feedback

SPEAKER_02 38:32

All right. Well, thank you guys for listening. Follow the Rising Tribes podcast on Insta and Braxton Cave, Nikki Rankar. Um, and we'd love to hear any anything you've got, questions, um, ideas, or just thoughts. Or you can even say, like, hey, you're doing a good job or a bad job. We need the feedback.

SPEAKER_01 38:54

We take feedback, yeah. So awesome. See you all next time. Bye.