Ep. 43: Training Before And After Kids

Ep. 43: Training Before And After Kids

We talk honestly about how training changes once you become a parent and why “no time” usually means “no freedom.” We share the mindset shifts, tiny workout tactics, and family conversations that help us stay consistent while leading our kids by example. 
• training before kids as freedom disguised as discipline 
• building workouts around real windows instead of ideal plans 
• using mornings and micro-workouts to stay consistent 
• navigating sleep deprivation and early-parent seasons safely 
• shifting motivation from performance to leadership at home 
• reducing resentment through clear spouse communication and weekly planning 
• creating a healthy family culture around movement and food 
• handling the teen years when kids test boundaries and choose for themselves 
• identity-based habits and keeping promises to yourself 

If this was helpful, please share it out, like it, comment, shoot us a message. We love hearing everybody's feedback and and give us some more ideas for future episodes. 

Transcript

Kids, Gratitude, And Lost Freedom

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I think what's really interesting is, you know, I'm still in the stage of life where like my kids think I'm Superman, which is awesome. Uh I think kids get to a point where that's no longer the case. But you know, I think the other cool thing for me as a parent is like we surround ourselves with other people who train and have the same belief system. And so it's interesting to see our kids, you know, they the the kids think all pretty much all the guys who I s who I surround myself with are like Superman, right? They're guys that work out, they have muscles, right? Or they see abs, you know, they they that's like normal to them. Like that's the standard.

SPEAKER_02 1:04

Welcome to the Rising Tribes Podcast. I am Nikki Rankar with Braxton Cave, and today we are gonna talk about training before kids and after kids.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

That's what we're doing. That is what we're gonna talk about.

SPEAKER_02 1:21

Keep it simple. Kick us off, man. Okay, I wasn't sure. I just got back from Detroit, FYI. I was at some baseball games, so um one thing to kind of before we dive into this, uh, I did see something. I think you sent it to me. Was it the video like where when you come back from like golfing? Was that you? I don't know. Okay, or I just saw it. Okay, basically it was a video of a guy, and it was a wife saying, All right, here's what you don't do. Don't walk in telling me you're tired. Don't walk in saying, like, oh, like basically come in and say, Wow, I had the most fantastic time in the world. Don't complain. And then say, hey, because I got to spend the weekend going and doing this, you should go spend a weekend going and doing something you love. Basically, it was saying, if you want to golf more, speak of it as a positive. And I think why I'm saying this is because we're about to talk about training before kids and after kids. And I think after kids, we like to complain a lot more of like what we've lost rather than when we do get the good stuff. Like for me, going to Detroit, I got home and in my head, I was like, Oh, I'm kind of tired, like I don't really want to do anything. But I'm I walk into a storm, right? I've been gone. Yeah, I have to be thankful. I have to be so I think talking about this a lot of times, if you're a parent, you have a lot of things you can complain about. And you have a lot of things you can be happy for. And I think with before kids, we had so much freedom and we thought we were so disciplined, and we thought we were so good at managing our time when in reality we had unlimited time, unlimited abilities to do what we wanted that we could waste time, that as a parent, we don't get to waste that same time. So I'm so thankful I got to be at two baseball games in Detroit, and my wife did a great job while I was gone. Yeah. With your dad, too. With my dad, yes, I was there with him.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

So let's let's just jump right into what what training looked like prior to kids. And

Training Before Kids Felt Like A Job

SPEAKER_00 3:25

it is it was some things were similar, but at different training styles, I would say, and methodologies of how we'd go about our days of training. And I would also say probably when where we were in life, because you were playing football. Would yeah, so I mean I can kick us off here. I mean, my my training regimen, you know, and I just when I say training, I that's training, that's nutrition, weightlifting, that's everything kind of all-encompassing. Um, but training for me was it was almost like an it was a full-time job. So I I use the off-seasons more so as like the reference here because that was, you know, my days when I was in season were very structured and between training and film and practice and all those things, but I focused more on you know the off-season time. And for me, it was you know, I I have always liked to train in the morning. So I would, you know, get up in the morning and I'd be in the gym around you know six. And it was an all-day ordeal for me. And Natalie hated it. She's like, what do you do while you're there? You know, and it's you know, it's 30 to 45 minutes of warming up and foam rolling and stretching and all those things. So then, you know, you get into your training blocks and whether you're doing you know some weight lifting or some speed, um it just turned into I'd be there till I don't know from 6 a.m. to like one o'clock in the afternoon. Like, hey, babe, see you after lunch. And um, but that's I mean, whatever you know, you look back and you're like, oh, I have all these responsibilities and all these things to do. And then you have kids and you look back and you're like, I didn't have anything. No, I was I was living, you know, call it, I think selfish is a good word to use. I mean, it was all about me, and it was all about putting myself in the best situation possible at the time to to succeed, and and it was that's exactly what it was. It was an all-day, everyday um you know, getting in and the the prehab, the rehab, the training. It was it's a full-time job. Did you even think about what it would be like or what would change when you had kids during those times? No, never. No, I mean, I think probably because you're just oblivious and you don't know any different, you're like, nothing's gonna change. Exactly. This is the way it's always gonna be. And uh, you know, especially when you know, playing football, you very quickly try to develop your life and structure around like the guys who've been doing it a long time. So you get in a locker room with guys who are you know eight, ten, twelve, fifteen year vets, and you kind of see their lifestyle, which is an unrealistic expectation. Uh, and it's like, you know, they have, you know, maybe they have three, four kids, and but they have a a full-time nanny, and they have you know, all these things, and you're like, oh, so they they just they do their thing, nothing else handled, nothing changes, and it's so far from reality uh unless you make it obviously into you know the one percent of the one percent. And so yeah, I I never thought anything would change.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

Yeah, I when football ended for me in college, I started running. And I would just go on a run. And I I was not a morning person, I would wake up, I would take my time, and I might go on a 10 o'clock run, and it could be three miles, it could be eight miles, and then I might go to the gym. Like there was no there was no structure because if I was working, you know, when college ended, I I know when my time was at work, and I could just go when I wasn't at work. Could be at night, could be in the morning. Um, so to me, there was no urgency, you could waste a lot of time. Um, if you didn't want to work hard, you didn't, and you could still be there for a long time. If you did, you could work really hard and still be there for a long time. There was never a thought that crossed my mind of like, this is one day gonna be hard to do. I I think we you might hear somebody tell you it and you'd be like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that, I get that, but you really don't have any idea.

After Kids, Find Time In Minutes

SPEAKER_02 8:00

And I I think for me, I had kids, my first kid, I was 25. And what I think what is a little bit unique with my story is I was I worked out all the time before kids, but I never really had a purpose to it after football. It was just like, oh, I it's just what I do, I just work out, and I wouldn't say like I was crazy about it. I would go weeks where I would do a ton, and then I'd go weeks where it'd be like meh, not a lot, like um, but when my wife kind of transitioned into like the post-kids, when I found CrossFit, um, because the number one one of the number one questions I get is like, how do you do it with kids? Or what what changed when you had kids? And I honestly, when I found CrossFit, is the point I had kids. So I Chelsea and I had gotten married, worked out. Chelsea would kind of do her own thing. She wasn't what she is now in like the health space. You follow her, like her workouts or nutrition. She very much is an evolution of where she is now, it was like time, and I think that's the thing we don't take into account is the amount of time to get somebody where they are. And for me, I found CrossFit when she was seven or eight months pregnant. And in the day I found it, I said, I'm going all in, I'm gonna be the best in the world. In with the idea that yeah, I'm gonna have a kid, but like I'm gonna just be amazing. And we so I started it, and I I can look back Jada was born, and Chelsea was like, Hey, I forgot some stuff at the house, you gotta have to run home. So I ran home in my car, not literally running. I ran home, parked, ran in the basement and did a workout, grabbed the stuff, and then went home. That right there, though, is to me the difference between me and most people post-kids. I never ever planned out a training session after kids. What I did is I asked Chelsea, I'm like, hey, when can I when can I work out? And it was 4 a.m. And I could in most gyms didn't open at 4 a.m. So I had to talk to gym owners and ask for keys and tell them this is what I want, this is what I'm gonna do, and I would get keys and I'd open the gyms, I would turn on the lights, and I'd work out at 4 a.m. Not sometimes I didn't want to wake up, and I was allowed till 7. That was the only time I had a window, and I wouldn't be there from 4 to 7, but I'd work out. I was working at uh State Farm when we moved up to Indiana, and I had an office. I hope my old the old people who were in my office aren't listening. I would shut my office door and I'd set a clock for 10 minutes and I would just squat. I would set a clock for 10 minutes and I would do push-ups. I would every day, at least two or three times a day, I would just set, it was between five, most of the time it was 10 minutes, and I'd set a clock for five to ten minutes, and I'll just do as many reps as I could. Just squatting in your khaki and polo, just stand there. There was one time there was one time I was at ATT and we had one room that didn't have cameras, and it was the camera, it was the room that had all like the TVs in it, and I would go in that room and I'd do like a hundred push-ups real quick. One time I kicked up on the wall and I did 50 strict handstand push-ups and be in a corporate setting and go do a hundred push-ups in a room as quickly as you can and walk out and try to act normal. You're like, so what are we doing? You realize real quick, like, wow, this takes the breath out of me. So I did 50 strict handstand push-ups in the back room, and I had done this before, but I I walk out, I'm tired. The next day I walk into the office, and my boss is there, and he's like, Hey, what happened in the back room? And I was like, What are you talking about? He goes, dude, the wall is black, and there was green from your shoes, it was just a square of black, and I was like, Oh my gosh, I'll clean it. Never said what I did, never said he never asked. I just cleaned the walls. I love that freaking. But I say that because I would do that throughout the day at lunch. I would work out when I was at State Farm, I'd go for a run. When I would get off of work, I would be home and I would ask Chelsea, when can I work out? And I would, she would tell me, like, from 8 30 to 10 o'clock is about your window because the baby was asleep. Jada. I wouldn't work out from 8 30 to 10. What I did is I had stuff in my basement. And if Chelsea was like, hey, I'm gonna go get on a phone call with my mom, I'd be like, okay, you got what, like 15 minutes? She's like, Yeah, I'd run in the basement and do a 10-minute workout. So during 8 30 to 10 o'clock at night, I might do two or three seven to 10-minute workouts. I had workouts in my basement written on the wall that were all short and quick, and I would write the date and what I got, and I would just try to beat it every time. I might do the same workout three times a day, or three times a week, just to try to get better until I got so good at it that it felt easy, then I would change it. All the time.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

Yeah, I think I mean the biggest takeaway for me in in listening to you, and it applies to everyone, is you don't like the time doesn't just happen. Like you, if it's important, you'll make the time, you'll find it. And I and it kills me when I hear the excuse from people of like, I just don't have time. Like, did you eat lunch today? Like, did you open Instagram today? Like, there's always time. But I think people are of the mindset of like, if I don't go to the brick and mortar gym and I don't do 45 minutes to an hour and a half, like, then I didn't really do it. That's not true. No, you always have time to do 10 burpees, 10 push-ups, 10 sit-ups, 10 air squats. Like, you can do that all day long, and you could probably do it 50 times in chunks.

SPEAKER_02 14:37

Like, yeah, and I think people might be like, well, yeah, but I'm different. No, you're not. You have a different, you have a different schedule, different situation. However, I believe that we, and this is not just in fitness, a lot of things, we don't like change. And we don't, I think the biggest thing about being a parent is adaptation. And I think we as parents use it as like, well, we got to learn how to like help our kids and we gotta learn how to do these things, but really it's about us adapting. And when we don't have kids, we consider ourselves, right? If you work out, if you go find a 21-year-old who's getting ready to graduate college and they work out and they're fit, they're gonna be like, Oh, I'm hyper disciplined. No, you're not, you're free. You have not like you're free, it's freedom. You're not disciplined, you're creating a structure that you want your life to be that it's going to change. So if you're disciplined, what that says is when all of a sudden you're 25 and you have a kid, you find a new way to keep going. You can adapt. Yeah, and I think the the people who don't adapt are the ones who say, I don't have the time. And what I would say is, no, you don't have the freedom you had. And you want that back. And you're not getting it back for probably ever. Like maybe when you're 65 and you don't want it as much. So I struggle with watching people who think they deserve full freedom of time when they've brought on this new life in the world that needs them. And instead, what happens is when you're young and you don't have when you have all this unlimited time, we accidentally waste it. And I would say I say accidentally because you get in a conversation. Whereas when we have kids, the reverse occurs. We think we have the time to waste, and then all of a sudden you get a text message or a phone call, right? And you you're like, I just walked in, I just started my warmup, and you got to leave. And that's a part of the it what we end up doing is we complain about that rather than say, okay, how can I be better at when this happens, I'm more prepared because it's going to. So that way I can structure it better. And that's where instead of saying, I'll do it later, do it earlier. I think the morning is the most powerful time because it's the one time that nobody can steal from you because they're all sleeping.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

Yeah, I mean, I'll I'll tell you guys a little bit about what my shift looked like when because I had a lot of things happen all at once. And

Sleep Debt And A Hard Wake-Up

SPEAKER_00 17:10

you know, Natalie was pregnant with our first. I ended my football career, you know. So we moved into a new house, transitioned to, you know, a new job, and then our daughter was born uh a few months later, and it very it uh you know, my life flipped inside out. And so what that looked like for me at the time, because training was always important, was you know, I was waking up at 3 a.m. to drive to the gym to I never did that to send FYI. You win on that, to then be I had to be at the office um, you know, between like around 5 a.m. Because in our industry things started very early. And you know, so sleep deprivation, like it's all real stuff, right? And and and for when when our daughter was first born, like the deal that Natalie and I had made was you know, she'd get up our daughter to feed in the middle of the night. I would get her up, I would change her diaper, and then I would hand her to Natalie to breastfeed. And we did that for I don't know, I don't want to put a time on her, but for a period of time, and feels long, and it got to a point where like I'd wake up in the morning and be like, Oh my gosh, she slept all night. And she was like, No, she didn't. And she's like, You got up and changed her diaper, and and uh and I had no recollection of it, and I'm like, Okay, this isn't good, this isn't good. That's kind of scary, actually. I've had that happen and um driving. So, but then you know it just continues to evolve over time, and so I you know, I didn't have to do, you know, my job transitioned and evolved, our daughter got older, you know, I didn't have to do the 3 a.m. wakeups forever. I we did have a kind of a scary wake-up call in that season, um, about a month after Avi was born. I was driving to the gym at 3:30 in the morning, and I got in a really bad car accident on Capitol, and a car pulled out. I was, you know, going down Capitol, going 60 miles an hour, whatever it was, and car pulls out in front of me, right? Like turned left right in front of me, T-bone.

SPEAKER_02 19:35

Dang.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

And you know, it was just like a wake up, oh, holy smokes, like that could have been that could have been it. Um and so not that that really has anything to do with you know the topic of training, but the those are like some of the things that happen in those seasons where it's like you really you find out really quickly like what's actually important, and you know continue to fast forward, like you add in, you know, then we had Copeland, things change again. Uh, and then you go, you know, then Asa's born and you're playing zone defense, and I would say you're not a whole lot changes. Like once once you've had two, I think three and beyond is is what it is. Um, you you never you're never prepared, you're never ready, you figure it out as you go. Um but what I quickly had to realize in that shift was that it wasn't about me anymore. And my schedule wasn't mine. Um my intentions changed. Like what my intentions before, my whole mindset was I'm training to be the best, put the best product on the field. My mind has completely shifted at that point when I had kids, and into now of I'm training to be the best version of me to lead by example for my family. And that looks completely different. And you know, Natalie and I, you you had mentioned this before we hit record on the podcast. Like that it's a constant conversation that Natalie and I have to have. Uh, it's because time and schedule is everything. Our kids have a ton of stuff going on. I have a ton of stuff going on with work. You know, Natalie's got a ton of stuff going on managing all of that. And so the constant conversation of, you know, we used to, we probably should get back to this because we we used to be good about it, but we we used to sit down every Sunday and go through our calendar. Okay, what's this week look like? Are you traveling? What you know, when are you training? Blah blah blah blah. Um, but we kind of get in you you go through these seasons where you're in a good routine of that, and then something happens that shakes it up, and then you got to pivot and and do things different. But as long

Marriage, Calendars, And Clear Communication

SPEAKER_00 21:55

as you're having constantly having that conversation, you know, it it mitigates a Lot of the struggles that can come in a marriage when you're you have all these competing priorities. So you know, I don't know if you want to talk about what that looks like with you and Chels.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

Oh, I think you nailed it, like with the seasons and all the changes. And I think if you I think we use the word seasons so much that maybe a lot of you out there are kind of like, oh, well, this is a season of life, or this is and we act like it's really long, or it's it's a it's okay, we got three or six months of the exact same. When truthfully, like we have to uh when you become a parent, you have to adapt daily. So your season might be where you don't know the end and you didn't know it started, but you felt the change. And how are you going to navigate that potentially six-month window? Because for me, I'm about to go into a new season, I'm gonna have to I get to adapt. But as kids get older, you get new responsibilities. It might not be that you're with them as much, but you're thinking about it a lot more, you can't always be present. And right now, with summer coming up for us, like I actually am going to have way more free time. And like for Chelsea and I, it is a conversation. And the reverse, when you said it became less about you, it became more about me. And I think some parents will be like, Well, that's wrong. And for me, before we got married, and I've probably said this before on here, before Chelsea and I got married, I told her, I'm not going to live a life just for my kids. I said, I want, I know that my parents want me to have a full life, and life continues during kids and after kids. So I'm like, I want my kids instead of just saying, That's my dad, or I want them to say, That's my dad, and he's this. Like, I want them to see me have a full life so that they can themselves also be like, I have a full life. So to me, working out was like it mattered. It mattered because it was what I wanted to do, it was became part of my career. And I knew that having a kid was probably gonna be the hardest time in my life to keep it going. Whereas I think we use it as the reason why we stop, but if you can get through the first year, it gets way easier. And probably after the first three months, it gets way easier. It's it's going through that hard that when you get out of it, you're like, oh man, you can look back and be like, oh, I see how I was able to do it, but in it, it was so cloudy and it was so difficult. And I think what we what we're where we struggle as parents, and if you can wrap this around your head, it makes it a little bit easier. We actually create the schedule, the baby doesn't. Right? Like a kid cries, so we did the 15-minute rule where crying's like, let them go. And the first few times, that's really hard, let a baby cry. Cry it out, and but it's crazy that this might sound bad, but you think about it, you're like, there are babies that just sit there and cry and no one comes to them. And like, we're right here, we're going to go. And there are times where it's a different cry, you know, as a parent, you're like, that's not that's not the normal cry. So I always knew if we put them down and if we have the 15-minute rule, I've got at least 10 minutes to do a workout. Right now, you can look at that and be like, what? And I'm like, it's not 15 minutes to sit and wait for the cry. It's we've committed to giving 15 minutes, so like they're down. I know I've got time. And I would just say, Hey Chelsea, is it okay if I run down and do a workout? Yeah. Like the amount of resentment that gets built up post-kids because you believe that that person is part of why you're losing, right? Part of who you were, communication can take that resentment away. If you just tell them, like, this matters to me. And I think sometimes it really doesn't matter to us. Because how many people have you ever met that probably told their spouse, like, oh, I just want to get up at I'm gonna go to the gym at five in the morning, just give me that membership. And they get the membership and they don't go at five. And you realize it wasn't about the gym because you just got it. And then your excuse is what? I didn't want to wake up. So I look and I'm like, a lot of times we get what we say we've always wanted, but we don't actually use it. My challenge is have the conversations and use what you're given. Don't create some reason why you can't. And that's my biggest struggle. We all have the ability, and again, it might be seven, it might be ten minutes, might be seven minutes, it might be heck, it might be an hour randomly. But what we end up doing is being like, oh, but I just want to chill. I just want to sit and not have any responsibility. It's like you still have the responsibility yourself.

Building A Fit Family Culture

SPEAKER_00 27:17

So looking at, you know, you're obviously you're the girls are older than the our kids are right now, but you know, one of my big focuses and thing, one of the things that's like really important to me is that our kids see the lifestyle that we live and that training's important. And you know, eating clean and and lifting, lifting weights, running, doing all the things that like that to my kids, like they don't know any different. And I love that. That's been very intentional. I think what's really interesting is you know, I'm still in the stage of life where like my kids think I'm Superman, which is awesome. Uh, I think kids get to a point where that's no longer the case. But you know, I think the other cool thing for me as a parent is like we surround ourselves with other people who train and have the same belief system, and so it's interesting to see our kids, you know. They the the kids think all pretty much all the guys who I who I surround myself with are like Superman, right? They're guys that work out, they have muscles, right? Or they see abs, you know, they they that's like normal to them. Like that's the standard. And and there's a huge like respect factor there too. You know, so like my my kids will see, you know, especially Copeland because he can't help himself, you know, he'll he'll point people out like that guy doesn't work out. Or, you know, he'll make he'll make comments of about stuff like that. And it's just interesting of how you know how important that that's become. You know, the kids love doing workouts with us. They love, you know, I I've been going on the it's now that the weather's somewhat decent, and I've been taking them with me when I go on my runs, they ride their bikes. Like that it's just normal part of life, and that's always been like I dreamed of that when I had kids, and I get now I'm in that moment living it, which is really cool. And um, you know, it's just so interesting to me to see the way our kids have evolved and that they notice these things and the foods we eat. And like my daughter is a freak when it comes to like food dyes. Does it have red dye 40 in it? You know, oh I love which is like a proud mom moment for my wife. Um, you know, Asa, our youngest, is he's gluten-free because he gets uh like really bad eczema when he has gluten. And so like everywhere we go, he asks, Does it have gluten in it? Does it have gluten in it? So it's just the the the point that like this is the life we've created because we've intentionally made it important as we've had kids and we've evolved and we've gone through all these various seasons of life. Like we haven't been perfect, we're nowhere near perfect, but like we're intentional about making the effort towards it. And I think that one of the biggest things I want to call out here is like we living a healthy lifestyle before or after kids, like it all sounds good in theory, but it doesn't just happen on accident. Like there has to be a plan and a structure and just an intentional effort towards being tactical of how you go about your day.

SPEAKER_02 30:45

Well, and we were the same, like our kids obviously don't have three, I have the two, and ours now are almost 13 and 16. Same, gluten-free, all the stuff, like everything. And I think being where we are in the stage of life is obviously you have you get to choose what what they're around, what they have, who they meet, like all that stuff. You get you are in in pretty much 100% control. So up until a certain age, it's like, yeah, they don't eat this, they don't do that, they we, you know, they all these things, and you're like, ah, and then other people it really they start having friends, they get older, they start doing stuff, they start getting around other people's normal.

When Kids Choose Their Own Habits

SPEAKER_02 31:36

And you realize real quick that it's one thing to hang out with your friends who do the stuff that they do and live the same similar lifestyle with their kids, and then you come together and it's like, oh yeah, we're all the same. But then you take your child and they go to another friend's with their friends, and they see a totally different life. And it is a slippery slope and super easy for example, like our kids never had Doritos and Cheetos and like hot dogs and snacks. Yeah, we might be like, Oh, well, we got the all beef, perfect, like really clear, right? Like organic. And they're like, Oh, this is a hot dog. And we're like, Yeah, but really, you're like, people need these hot dogs, but then they go and all of a sudden they come back and you're like, How was it? And they're like, Oh, it was okay, they had some crappy food, but don't worry, I ate this. And then you see a picture, and there's a sprite in a Dorito bag and a hot dog, and you're like, What? And what you realize is the expectation I have for my kids is a different one than somebody else has for not just my kids, but for their kids. And you start to get in this dilemma in your head of like, am I crazy? Because every single kid at that table was doing that, was you know, and then they're like, Oh, that wasn't my sprite, I had that that was in front of me. But but now, as they get older, you put my kids in a room that has crappy Doritos and stuff, they want to eat it. Now, so would I, right? Like you, we would all It's like the forbidden fruit. Yeah, so we all did that. That's not a negative, but where I think we are right now is we're at the phase where our kids are figuring out who are they? Not who does my dad want me to be, who does my mom want me to be, who what have I seen? But eventually they start to go, like, dad, that was a dumb joke. Don't do that again. And you're like, Okay, you used to laugh, right? Or I'm gonna just be like they they start to create who they are, and I think there's this period of time where you start to let go, and that's when you start to have more time. So you can work out more, you can do these things, but in the back of your head, you're like, I wish my kids wanted this. I wish that, like, ah, like, you know, I'll ask them, hey, you want to work out? And they're like, meh. And as we get more time, we create more problems because, like, right now I'm so concerned about like, are they making good decisions? They're now going out to fast food with their friends because that's what they do, that's how they hang out. They're now, you know, doing things that it's like I don't a hundred percent want you to be doing that, but you need to also figure out if that's what you want. And that's a hard thing to let go with kids to allow them to make their own decisions. And we want them to work out. And I think our kids have seen all the same stuff like as yours at this stage, but I think it's not gonna be till at this point with our 16-year-old, it's not gonna be till she's in her 20s that we now will see what sticks, what comes back. Because I think a lot of times kids will def will push things off and think about what's right in front of them. And then later on, they're gonna look back and be like, oh, wait, I'm gonna pull this back in, I'm gonna bring this back in. So I think we're at the stage right now where we're kind of waiting to find out like what sticks, um, giving them a little bit more, especially the older ones, some more freedom. So, like when I do work out, I actually in the back of my head am constantly like, I wish she was doing this with me, or I wish like she was available, or I wish. So, no matter what, whether you've got a kid that can't talk, can't do anything, and just demands what you feel like is all of your time, you're gonna eventually have this kid who wants none of your time, who is running around and you're like, I can't, I'm just waiting. I'm sitting here, I'm looking at my phone, where are they at? What are they doing? No matter what, your your mind is gonna be all over the place. So if you're not consistent early on, when you do have this time and you're stressed, you're gonna use that as your excuse. Because you didn't adapt early and you're not gonna adapt late. And then eventually that's why people, kids go out of the house, you look at your spouse, and you're like, Who are you? Because the entire your entire being has been, I can't be who I was because these kids have taken it away from me. And then the kids are done and you've done your job and they're gone, and you now realize like I don't even know who I am, and I've never wanted to not know who I am, right?

SPEAKER_00 36:07

Yeah, I mean, last thing I'll say on on kind of the nutrition topic is this meme has been popping up over and over and over again on my social feed, and it's a it's a like a cartoon picture of this family. On one half, it's just like fit family, fit mom and dad, and their kids are eating like whole foods, and then there's a it's split to the other side, and it's like an overweight family, and their kids are eating junk food, and then you go to the next page, and it's the kids are grown up and they're you know fit, and the parents are older but fit, and the the kids and the parents and the other side look the same, you know, they're overweight. And but in the first picture it says, like, why are you making your kids eat like that? You're obsessed, like you're over the top, and then in the next picture, it's like, How do you guys look like that? How do your kids look that way? Yeah, I've seen that one. And I say all that to say, like, yeah, our kids, our kids, we are very particular about what our kids eat, but that doesn't mean that like our kids don't have treats, right? It's like our kids eat ice cream, our kids get to have certain things. Um, you know, we call them fun foods because it's not part of the everyday. Um, but like my buddy Trevor, he says this all the time. He's like, the dose makes the poison. And I think that's where, you know, if it's a every now and then type of thing, great. If it's something that you're having every single day, the dose makes the poison. And I I've always ever since he said that to me the first time, uh that one's always clicked with me. And I and I like to think of it that way. I love that. What does so what does training look like now in this season of life you're in?

SPEAKER_02 37:50

Oh, that's a good question. I mean, for me right now, um I have the ability, I have a lot of time, I would say, to train. Normally it's morning, so my I'll normally go in. Um again, the season just changed for me. We had a two-month window where we had track practice for the youngest, and the oldest is doing a lot of babysitting. So I would drop off at track at 7.15, and then I'd go into the gym and I'd I'd train. Um, but when she has regular school, drop offs more like 850. So I will go in like back to now. I'll I'll train six o'clock to seven thirty. Um, and then the middle of the day, maybe do something. I'm I'm still in that mindset of like I don't need much time to get really good work. So I still love to have a full like give me an hour or more if I can, and I will waste time if I have more than an hour, but give me an hour, and then I can fill in gaps of anything else. And if you don't give me the hour, I'll find time somewhere. Again, a hundred push-ups is really hard to do. Um, I think for me, where I'm at is I just do good work early or when they're at school. And by the time they get back, I'm I'm pretty much done. Like I don't do anything once school pickup happens unless they ask me to do a lot of soccer outside. Um, I'll play around. I really just want my kids now to see that it's not easy, it's a choice, and they get to make that same choice. And I've been the example of what that looks like. And I don't know if they make that a positive or a negative. I feel like it's a positive, but they can also put pressure on themselves, and that's where I think we are now is they've got a lot going on inside, and I hope that eventually they don't make it seem like they are bad because they're not like me. Um, I just want them to be their best selves, whatever that looks like.

SPEAKER_01 39:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:00

I mean,

Identity-Based Training And Closing Advice

SPEAKER_00 40:01

my I feel like my routine right now changes all the time. So like I I'll give you like in a perfect world, my Monday through Friday are fairly consistent and look the same. It's getting up in the morning and training, whether I go run or lift, uh, and then I'm home in time to help, you know, get the kids up, get them ready for school, and that whole thing. Um and then Saturdays, Natalie and I work out together, uh, and we you know, we take the kids into the gym and and we figure out something to do on Saturdays. Sundays are typically a day off, but lately it's been bike rides and going for a run, which has been really cool. If this weather would ever figure out what the heck it wants to do, it would be fantastic. Um, but I feel like every sea, I mean, this that that's the season we're in today. I mean, you know, back up a year ago, I was traveling every week. So my schedule looked very, very different. Um, managing what that looks like because it at the end at the end of the day, my marriage and my kids are the most important thing. And so, you know, we there's day like in my current routine, there's two to three days a month where I train in the morning and then I have an early morning meeting so I don't get to see the kids, and it's like uh I have to prep them the night before and let them know, hey, I'm not, I won't be here in the morning when you wake up. It's always a huge ordeal. Um, which I love that that matters to them, that they've grown accustomed to me being here when they wake up in the morning. It's not, you know, again, the seasons of work and what that looks like with my travel schedule, it ebbs and flows and changes, and it's part of you know, just the way the world works uh when you're leading business. Um, but I would say we're we're in a fairly good routine at the moment, and you know, with the kid, the with the boys are in baseball and obvious in dance, two different dance classes, it's it's chaos and awesome all at the same time. But at the end of the day, like you alluded to earlier, the mornings are where it happens. Like there's the I if if I don't get my training in it's almost a hundred percent chance that it will happen if you if yeah you just show up. I mean, I I will put it this way like if I don't get my training in the morning, I know that like at the end of the day, it's gonna be me doing something very minimal for 10 minutes. Like, there's just no way I'm I'm gonna take the time away from my family to go to the gym in the evening. Yeah, it's just not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_02 42:57

I to kind of I actually wrote something today in my I have like a group online. Um, but before saying what that is, I think if you're listening to this, the number one thing that can change your perspective is number one like for me, I wake up every single morning and I don't say like I hope I can work out today. Like if I work out, that's what I do, that's who I am. I I have this belief that like I'm not going to not do it. I will find a way. Whereas I think a lot of more people hope that they can. But if you just create the identity around, like we've talked, like I'm a runner. Why? Because I run. Not I hope I run. I what wish one day running becomes easier. Well, just become the runner today. Say that you're gonna do it every day, something. You'd be like, Oh, you need to recover. Probably not if you're somebody who's hoping to work out, you probably just need to do that. So I Wrote and this was not related to what we're talking about, but I put believe in yourself. You need to believe before anybody else, um starting now. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks, just matters what you believe and work to make sure that comes to life. And I think just like going to work, what I what I can't stand is that we go to work or we do things that we hate because somebody tells us to and gives us a check for it. Yet we say what matters to us is the most important thing. We have to have it, but we don't do it because no one's forcing us to, no one's putting a check in front of us and saying if you do this, I'll pay you. No one's giving us anything. But yet we'll do things we hate, we'll wake up at times we don't want to wake up, we'll show up when we don't want to show up because somebody's paying us and someone's telling us. But yet we can't get up and do something for us because it's all on us. And one of the things we say in my house to our kids is we want to like hold the commitments we make to ourselves because we hold them for others. We we we promise something to somebody and we do it. Keep the promises we put in front of ourselves. So believe, create that belief like you are that person. Yeah, awesome.

SPEAKER_00 45:20

Well, I hope this was helpful um to those maybe pre-kids or with kids now, and you know what, you know, uh just an understanding of it's never perfect, but if it's important, you find the time and and you make it happen and lead by example. If you're a dad listening to this, like being a father is the greatest role I think you could ever have, and and it's but it's also a great responsibility to lead your family and set the standard. And you know, at the end of the day, I think what you like you were just saying, the no, you're not receiving a a financial paycheck, but you are receiving a paycheck to the way that you feel as your kids grow older and you get older in life and the energy and and if you put the deposits in now, the reward comes later. Yep. When you're not you're not the dad that the kit your kids have to take care of. Yep. Right?

SPEAKER_02 46:16

You're getting to you're you still get to live life with them versus you know and if you're somebody who's like, yeah, that's easy for you guys to say, look at you, and you're around each other and whatever, like if you walked into this room that we're at right now and you started hanging out with us, I guarantee you you'd become better. Your circle is powerful. So if you're around people who are like, ha ha, look at that, and they're cracking jokes at the people that you wish you could be more like, you should probably just reach out to some new people. Like, doesn't mean get rid of your old friends, but like find a dad that you're like, dang, like I see him all the time. Ask him, like, hey man, like, what do you do? Can I join you? I have people all the time that ask me to work out and like, man, I wish I could do this all the time. And I'm like, you can. I just might not be there. Right. Like that, and that's the truth. Like, sometimes we put so much emphasis on a specific situation where it's like, you know, this is here every day. It's right in front of you. You don't need me.

unknown 47:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:16

So get around people, communicate with your spouse, be there for your kids, and then be there for you. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 47:24

Awesome. Thanks, everybody. If this was helpful, please share it out, like it, comment, shoot us a message. We love hearing everybody's feedback and and give us some more ideas for future episodes. Yes, sir. This is the Rising Tribes podcast. Thank you.